February 21, 2009

Oscar Picks

You know that "Would You Rather Game" where you are faced with two despicable choices and you have to choose one? Like: Would you rather have to watch Delta Farce or watch Witless Protection? (For some reason Larry the Cable Guy is making you choose. He is holding your mom hostage or he is going to give you a million dollars or something).  That's how I feel about picking Oscar winners. Let's do this!
Here's the short list.

Actor in a leading Role
Who I would pick: Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler
Who's actually going to win: Sean Penn -Milk
-I've talked too much about meat-face Mickey not to pick him.  But if he doesn't win I hope Sean Penn does as more of a statement against the passing of Prop 8.

Actor in a Supporting role:
Who I would pick: Heath Ledger - The Dark Night
Who's actually going to win: Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
-Who else are they going to give it to? Michael Shannon? If Heath doesn't win there might be riots in every comic book store across the nation.

Actress in a leading role:
Who I would pick: Kate Winslet - The Reader
Who's actually going to win: Meryl Streep -Doubt
-I'm shooting in the dark with this one. I like Kate, but if you are betting the odds, then you are betting on Meryl.

Actress in a Supporting Role:
Who I would pick: Viola Davis - Doubt
Who's actually going to win: Heath Ledger -The Dark Night
- I think one of the surprises that the Academy is promising this year is going to be giving Heath two awards this year. I have no idea who is going to win this one....

Animated Feature Film:
-Seriously, this movie has the best first 30 minutes of any movie, animated or live action, of this year or of any year. If it doesn't win I will be very disappointed. I would probably get over it though, in time.

Best Picture:
Very Uninspired list of nominees this year. I guess I will pick:
Slumdog Millionaire

And when it wins on Sunday no one will be surprised. Congratulations Oscar you've done it again.  

February 19, 2009

Think Of The Children!

Source Paste Magazine

I'm going to play the lazy blogger on this post. And what do lazy bloggers do? They post links to other peoples blogs. Today's post has a kid theme, with some dead pets thrown in for a little zest.

Take a look at Tiny Art Director. It's adorable in a cruel, bossy sort of way.

Think you're too cool for school? You're not. But this blog is. Warning: Kids giving "the finger" or "flipping the bird" is featured on this page.

An Indie Rock Alphabet Book. It's pretty sweet! Do the kids still say sweet? I hope not, that's my word.

Cloning your dead pet is Creeeeeeeeeeepy.

I like to think that I create an eclectic blog for you people. That and I'm lazy. Really, really lazy. I'll come up with an original posting soon. I promise.

February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

It's St. Valentine's Day people! Let us never speak of what happened yesterday on Friday the 13th ever again. On this day of forced affection I like to help set the mood for all the lovers out there. So I give you this video from the bottom of my heart...

I didn't get you a box of chocolates this year. But I did get you a thingy that nicely covers all those ads on websites with artwork.

You need a last minute Valentine? Well Buster You came to the right place. Because I've got a link that just might help you out.

Lonely on this day of PDA and roses? Well I've got a song to cheer you up. You can play it over and over as you slowly drink away your loneliness. Happy St. Valentine's Day everybody!

Casualty of Love - The Wedding Singer Musical

February 13, 2009

Happy Friday The 13th!

Just wanted to wish everybody good luck on one of the unluckiest days of the year.
Did you know this is the first of three Friday the 13th's we are going to have this year? It's coming up again in March and then again in November. It's true, I read it on Yahoo!

I also want to take this time to tell Hollywood to stop remaking horror films like Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Nightmare On Elm Street. I would rather you guys just be complete hacks and rip off the plots and then call it something else. Title them All Hallows Eve, The Unluckiest Camp for Sexy Teens, and Seriously, Do Not Fall Asleep Or You Will Die In The Most Ironic Way Possible, respectively.
I'm just throwing it out there.

I think they should make a horror movie about this little guy. They are scary and indestructible. They call them Water Bears, isn't that cute?

February 11, 2009

Movie Poster Review: 17 Again

I just don't understand the world anymore. What is going on around here? I originally saw this poster and thought, "Is this a remake? Is it a sequel? It has to be connected somehow."(Refer to the Madea and Ernest Go To Jail post). But I looked and I looked and I found no connection... and that really weirded me out. Let's start with the review and then get back to my confusion.

17 Again looks like a Zac "I'm too cool for 'k's' or 'h's'" Efron star vehicle. The poster definitely supports that, he's the only thing on it, never mind that Matthew Perry and Leslie Mann are in the movie. Anyway, It's about a guy being transformed back into a teenager again for a second chance at his wild teenage days, when he was on top of the world. I don't have anything to say about Zac. The Tweens seem to like him. Tweens and and me have very little in common besides self-esteem issues. But when I saw this poster another movie immediately came to my mind. Not Big or 13 Going On 30 . But a movie from way before the word Tween came into our vernacular... This movie:
Remember 18 Again! ? The only difference between the titles is a number and an exclamation point. I thought, "Does Zac walk around doing a Matthew Perry imitation the whole movie like this kid did of George Burns?" But it turns out these movies have nothing in common except for creepy old guys indirectly hitting on teenage girls.

It's like if a new movie about a mother and a daughter switching bodies came out called Twisted Tuesday. Why would anybody think it has anything to do with Freaky Friday? I mean, that's just plain silly.

So why, oh why do I feel like the only person on this ragtag Internet that has made this connection? Across my fact finding journey on these two movies I found some ridiculous postings. Nobody talks about 18 Again! at all. I don't like to call other bloggers I don't know names but this guy is a moron. Here's a taste of what "Rodney" from "The Movie Blog" wrote about 17 Again:

"And the poster is pretty good. I like the nod to Tom Hank’s Big (which this shares its main premise with) with him stepping out of the oversized business outfit with his hip teenager digs on. Did you notice one foot is still in the dress pant leg? Its still got a dress shoe on it. Very subtle and clever."

"Subtle and Clever" Seriously? Those are two words I wouldn't use to describe the poster or "Rodney." The subtitle of the blog has to be ironic. The comments are, of course, entertaining as well.

People, please please tell me. Am I wrong? Did I make some sort of unwarranted assumption in thinking the movies were connected or, at least, that is was strange the titles were so similar? Am I the crazy one?

February 10, 2009

Here Are Some Links Brimming With Culture

Here's your chance to get some high brow culture people! See? A cartoon from the New Yorker means you are reading a high society blog. And down below I have provided for you easy to use links to view the fancy-pants culture you so desperately need. So, link it up and drink it up!

Careful, this one might be NSFW but Daaaaang! is a high brow blog just the same. This arty little site is so high brow, if it were a person it would wear a monocle and smoke a pipe in a fancy leather arm chair petting a Corgi on it's lap. So enjoy some art people.

Five Dials is a new literary magazine that's easy to read and has an ass-load of English lit in it. Want to feel like you're in college again? Or want to feel like you're in college right now? Read Five Dials. It has some rare finds. Very refined.

Are index cards urbane? Well, they will be if they are featured on Indexed. These index cards can buy and sell normal index cards 100 times over, they're that urbane.

Here's some dude's blog with his sketches. It has some very, uhhh, sophisticated(?) valentines to download.

Amazing Baby has a new song, 'Bayonets', to download...for free! Isn't that enlightening?

Well, I'm gad you all came over to loot my links. Stop by again sometime and we'll discuss the latest opera over some nice aged sherry.

February 4, 2009

Movie Poster Review: He's Just Not That Into You

The movie He's Just Not That Into You has just successfully killed that phrase. I not saying it wasn't on it's way out anyway. I'm just saying this movie pulled the plug. On to the poster review!

So you managed to get a rather star studded cast for you subpar romantic comedy. What do you do? You make sure you don't feature any of them on your movie poster. Brilliant.

Oh wait, there they are! that's better...

Wow. Is that E. from Entourage? Yeah, maybe the first poster was better. I thought Ben Affleck was directing now....Aniston? ScarJo? The Mac guy? I hear he dated Drew Barrymore for a while...hey she's in this too! Oh, and she produced it as well...that explains a lot. This movie is a potpourri of Hollywood stars. H.J.N.T.I.Y. can not be any good. Plus, I can never see Jennifer Connelly in a movie anymore without conjuring up images from Requiem for a Dream.

This movie is supposed to be the successor to the Sex and the City movie or so they claim. If it truly is, this movie is going to be offensive just like the Sex and the City franchise.

I'm not reviewing the trailer here but... they make a Myspace joke. A Myspace joke? Did they mean facebook? I'm confused.

If you are still considering seeing this movie ask yourself this: Do you want to see the movie that is based on the book that is written by this guy?

Please, please do not give Greg Behrendt any more money. He's had enough, and so have we.

February 1, 2009

Who The Hell Is Sarah Haskins?

I'm not quite sure what feminist blogs and this blog have in common. Could be a whole lot. Who knows? I do know you won't see arguments about how many R's should be used in Riot Grrrl in this blog. But a person who has been getting a lot of attention from these womanly sites and online magazines is Sarah Haskins. And rightly so. My GF was way ahead of the trend on this one and told me "you really have to see this." I'm glad she did. Who is Sarah Haskins you ask? Well read on kiddos!
I don't know who Sarah Haskins really is, you know, on the inside. But I do know she is I-have-just-metaphorically-shit-my-pants-funny. She is a comedian (Not an Olympian and not this kind of comedian) who, on Current TV, has a segment for infoMania called Target Women. She rips into the stereotypes and ridiculousness imposed by our popular culture on women (I can totally relate). And she is really good at it. Like, scary good. She delivers her cutting commentary with a nonchalant and easy as Sunday morning delivery. She's kinda like that friend who you hang out and sarcastically make fun of TV with (Except I get tired of those kind of friends because, seriously, do they ever stop complaining?). Just after a couple of her segments hit the Internet she became the talk of the estrogen fueled town, and beyond. There were girl crushes and the international press were even getting into the act. Fans started petitioning for her to get a gig on The Daily Show.
Why am I writing about her? I want to help because she is not a recognizable name, yet. And she should be. People know who Ann "I will not hesitate killing you and your children" Coulter is. It's about time that "Joe Six Pack" and "Jane Box of Wine" get introduced to Sarah "motherfucking" Haskins. One day I want to go back to my parents house and have my mom say, "Oh I saw this funny girl on TV last night. I think her name was Sarah...something. Now she's funny. Not like you." For this to happen, America, I need your help. Because my mom doesn't know I have a blog. So she has to find out some other way, like through basic cable.