December 21, 2009

Winter Solstice Special: Alma

Happy shortest day of the year everybody! I have an a little gift for you all on this darkest of dark days, Alma from Pixar animator Rodrigo Blaas. You need to see this award winning short, like, right now.

Alma from Rodrigo Blaas on Vimeo.

Dolls rank up there with clowns and cephalopods on my "scary" list.

December 16, 2009

Trailers: Iron Man 2 & Hot Tub Time Machine

I thought you guys would want to see these these two trailers. Iron Man 2 and Hot Tub Time Machine are nothing alike but I combine them together here in this post like pb&j. I will answer two questions right off the bat.

1) Yes, Terrence Howard is now Don Cheadle and he wears the "Black" War Machine suit. I am not going to attempt to examine if that is racist or not.

2) No, Hot Tub Time Machine does not look that funny. Hopefully I will be able to catch it on a plane or Free On Demand.

I really hope Clark Duke doesn't make out with his mom.

December 14, 2009

TAC Holiday Gift Guide!

Tis the season peeps! Hopefully you are not not scrambling to find gifts for all your loved ones/family this holiday season. If there are still a couple of people on your list left, I have a gift giving guide for you. Order these items now an you might get them delivered by Christmas... or shortly after. You really shouldn't wait this late in the month to get your gifts. Anyway, on with the The Anthropomorphic Critic Gift Guide!

For the Intellectual Cousin you hate talking to:

Penguin Books Great Idea Series:
From the site: "Penguin brings you the works of the great thinkers, pioneers, radicals and visionaries whose ideas shook civilization, and helped make us who we are."

This should shut them up for a while.

For the person who donated to a charity in your name when all you asked for was alcohol.

Coal Gram!
When you purchase the coal they donate a percentage to your choice of charity. And the recipient gets some coal for a present in a very deceiving jewelery box. They can't get mad, it's for charity. You should also recommend they donate the coal as well. What are they going to do with coal?

For your favorite avid Hunter/Taxidermist

Cardboard Animal Heads

They are really cool and guaranteed to make any house look like a log cabin in the North Woods. And it sends a message that you don't nee to decapitate animals to impress the ladies.

For your step dad who's originally from California.

The California Desk

It's $5,500 dollars. But California is a pretty awesome state and he is a pretty awesome step dad.

For your friend's little brother/sister because they are cooler than your friend (And you secretly wish you were friends with them instead).

Grizzly Adventures T-Shirt from Threadless

This is a totally rad shirt, they will love it. Your friend is going to be so jealous.

For your kinda serious girlfriend

Beaver Ring

It's not an engagement ring but it's way cuter than a promise ring or a celibacy ring.

For the doodler or emo kid or grandma

Recycled BINGO game sketchbooks

Here you go, Merry Christmas. Now go off in a corner away from me and draw or write or whatever...No, the other corner, farther away from me.

For any guy you know.

Zip Tie

Boot Knife Sock

Clipper Ship Tie
Guys are so easy to buy for.

For The Anthropomorphic Critic

Night Court Travel Bar
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? I want it! The drinks go where I go, in style!

Whatever you do, do not get anyone you know or only sorta know this:
Stuffed Unicorn
It's just not right.

I think RUN DMC said it best:

"My name's D.M.C. with the mic in my hand
And I'm chilling and coolin just like a snowman
So open your eyes, lend us an ear
We want to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!"

-Christmas in Hollis Queens

December 13, 2009

Kids In The Hall: Death Comes to Town

They're Back! They are all older and doughier but they are back!......on Canadian Television. That's close enough I guess. Most things Canadian come on down south to the States eventually. Here's a trailer for the 8-part series for the rest of us non-Canadians.

Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town - watch more funny videos

Look how young and not in drag they are! Awwwwwww

December 9, 2009

Movie Poster Review: TRON Legacy

Here's the new poster for Disney's Tron Legacy... And it lets you know everything you need to know about the movie: neon motorcycles. The producers know that the audience's favorite part of the first movie were the bikes that played like the old "Snakes" computer game. Just give the people what they want, crazy-ass bike chases with deadly walls of light.

They did not take this approach with the poster for the original movie:
This poster conveys the message that the movie is about people who worship a glowing Frisbee. This helps explain why it was a flop when it first came out. That and this guy:

You Can't defeat me, unless you are really good at "Breakout"

December 1, 2009

Original Movie Posters, Tilt Shift Disney & a list from IFC

Back when being French was cool

Pretty cool Original designed movie posters, right? You can by them Here just in time for the holidays for that person who has everything. Well Mr. or Ms. Smarty-pants, you didn't know these existed did you? Looks like you didn't have everything then , did you? Hope you enjoy. This one's cool too:


Are you guys hungry for some more tilt shift cinema? This time it comes in the form of a commercial for Disney World. It's still pretty mesmerizing and fun. It looks like stop motion, but it's real! Look:

IFC has kindly scrounged up a list of the 25 Scariest Moments in Non-Horror Movies. I had one of those "why didn't I think of that" moments. I hate those moments, but don't let that taint the list it's one of the best list in an Internet sea of lists. It has the scene where they open the Ark in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I had nightmares for weeks because of that scene. Also check out #16 Leave Her to Heaven. That movie looks messed up. Never heard of it and now it's at the top of my Netflix queue. I have a feeling I should get paid by Netfilx now...

Nightmares for weeks

November 24, 2009

The Muppets Bohemian Rhapsody

NO WAY! How can you deny the awesomeness that is this video. You can't. Muppets and Queen are together in a soft-serve-swirl-cone of rock n' roll and felt. Stop reading this sentence and play the video......Now!

November 23, 2009

The Avett Brothers, Major Lazer and The Pixies. Eclectic? You bet your ass!

It's time to share some music videos and boy-howdy do I have a couple of gems for you lucky people.

First up is the Avett Brothers who I have been a fan of for years but now they sell their CD in Starbucks. That's where all musicians end up eventually so I won't hold it against them. Here is their hilarious and rockin' new video for "Slight Figure Of Speech" from their new coffee scented album I and Love and You.

Next up I give you Major Lazer's "Keep It Going Louder" video Directed by Eric Wareheim. I'm not into the song but the video is surreal. You can't turn away from it, you have to watch. It's like a train wreck involving mutated club girls. Warning: It's very Eric Wareheim

That...that's just not right. I get to look forward to a good week and a half worth of bad dreams because of that video. At least I have girls in the back of my truck... about six deep.

For visiting my blog today you get a free gift! A free Live EP of the Pixies' Doolittle for it's 20th anniversary. Is The Anthropomorphic Critic versatile? You bet your ass he is!

November 16, 2009

Review of Rotten Tomaotes Reviews of Where The Wild Things Are

So I took my sweet time getting around to see Where The Wild Things Are. I just wanted to see it on my own terms. I was definitely worried it was going to be awful and kill my childhood memories like Hollywood has been known to do. And honestly I didn't particularly like the film marketing. It definitely wasn't trying to get kids to see the movie, it was trying to get me to see the movie. I didn't want to be part of their demo. I mean seriously, when the news came out that Spike Jonze was directing, Dave Eggers was writing and Karen O was doing the soundtrack, there was a collective orgasm from all the hipsters in Silverlake. But I knew it was one of those movies you have to see in the theater, or at least a really good home theater system. So I finally got around to seeing it.

Before I critique the "Top Critics" at Rotten, to be fair, I feel that I should throw my two cents in about Where The Wild Things Are.

The film adaption of Where The Wild Things Are should be called Being A Kid Is Hard. Being a kid is hard and I think we forget that as we grow older. This film reminds us of that. WTWTA is a beautiful, moving movie that gives life to the internal struggles that a young boy goes through. Overall it's a good movie that I highly recommend.

If I have to tell you it's based on Maurice Sendak's classic children's book then I'm guessing you aren't American. People love this book. I love this book. The movie is not the book. It's different. The movie has a different tone and puts you in a different mood. And that's OK. The film doesn't take away from the book at all and it doesn't do it a disservice. It's a satisfying complement to what a lot of us hold dear as a good part of our childhoods.

Eggers is still stumbling through the writing of a screenplay. His parts don't make up a whole in his scripts, Away We Go had the same problem. There is no flow to the movie, it's more like interchangeable scenes strung together. But in a movie that's based on a child's imagination and kid logic this wonkiness in the script is forgivable. And while the film doesn't beat you over the head with it's messages, it does get repetitive and the monsters start to get annoying. I was thinking to myself, "They're not going to have this same argument again are they?" Side Note: If any of the Wild Things are based on his friends I would be pissed if I was one of them.

It looks and feels very much like a Spike Jonze film. It's very pretty and makes you feel very uneasy because you are not quite sure what's going to happen next. I could have used about 30% less camera lens flares though. There were an awful lot of them...Oh, and Thank God the Wild Things weren't entirely CGI. That would have been horrible.

Wild Things and Lens Flares

The big question: Is the movie OK for kids? Well it's made for people in their 30's really. But I would ultimately say yes, it's OK for kids to watch Where The Wild Things Are. Eight-year-olds would be fine....or a seven-year-old with an old soul. You as a parent might have some difficult questions to answer after the movie, but it might be good for the both of you to talk about the issues the film brings up. And you also might need to check the closet for manic depressive monsters once and a while.

And Now...Onto my review of's Top Critics film review of Where The Wild Things Are!

David Denby, New Yorker
Top Critic: I have a vision of eight-year-olds leaving the movie in bewilderment. Why are the creatures so unhappy?

-I Have a feeling David is projecting just a little bit.

Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly
Top Critic: Profoundly beautiful and affecting, Where the Wild Things Are is a breath-
taking act of artistic transubstantiation.

-Lisa, I don't think your average
EW readers know what transubstantiation is. Plus, I don't think you are using it correctly here. If you keep writing like this all your readers will start going to

James Berardinelli, ReelViews

Top Critic: The result is an involving experience for all but the most fidgety children and an opportunity for parents to enjoy (rather than endure) a motion picture with their offspring.

-Something tells me this critic doesn't have kids, or ever will. Maybe it's his use of the word offspring. Dork.

Christy Lemire, Associated Press
Top Critic: It's a gorgeous film: This may sound contradictory, but it's intricate and rough-hewn at the same time, dreamlike and earthy.

-Pretty people shouldn't be movie critics or work for AP. Sorry
Christy, I'm sending you over to Entertainment Weekly to be the new gossip corespondent, in a trade for Lisa Schwarzbaum and four interns.

Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail
Top Critic: Wild Things, you do not make my heart sing.

- I think we have a winner, my dear readers! I actually read his review of the film and it was pretty good. But this one 9 word long sentence just ruins it for me. Come on Liam, you know this wasn't funny on any level. I'm sure this post isn't full of all the witty gems I'd like to think it is but at least I didn't make a pun out of oldie.

And to satify our incessant want for parody here's Where The Dirty Hipsters Are:

Planet 51: Poster Review

Shrek? What's a Shrek? No, never heard of him.

Ohhhhh. Shrek! Right, right... Um, no I'm afraid I don't see a resemblance.

P.S. This movie looks awful. Please take your kids to a different movie...Is Ninja Assassin out yet?

P.P.S. Ok I got an inside source (Thanks km) who went to the premiere and says this movie is pretty boring. So there, I am justified in my judgment of a movie I haven't seen yet.

P.P.P.S. Earlier in my "review" of the poster, I was making fun of the fact that the "Alien" family looks an awful lot like Shrek...I wasn't sure you got that. Ok I'll stop now.

July 31, 2009

I Can Do Bad All By Myself: Movie Poster Review- Madea has lost his damn mind

Well I don't know what to say. Tyler Perry tries. He does. He tries really hard and he does really well for himself. But this makes no sense. What is going on here? Oh, wait...maybe the trailer will shed some light on this.

Well, that didn't help. What is he trying to reference here? How is his new movie like Straw dogs? Is this another remake like when Madea went to jail? Does Madea defend her home against a pack of hooligans? Is Perry a Peckenpah fan? Have you noticed how many question marks I have used in this short post? I am at a loss. I have never understood the Madea movie franchise and this poster has just pushed me further away from any sort of reconciliation. Can people please start a new meme of putting Madea in random famous movie posters? I would like to see that. I would do it but Photoshop is so expensive.

Question Marks =8

The Warehouse- A Webcomic: Pun In Punctuation

There are a lot more where that came from. Go to The Warehouse and waste some time.

July 27, 2009

"Hot Tub Time Machine" Red Band Teaser Trailer

My vote for best movie title ever goes to Hot Tub Time Machine. Yep that's right, Hot Tub Time Machine. Who's in it you ask? Oh, just John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, Rob Corddry, Chevy Chase and Crispin Glover. It's directed by the guy who wrote the screenplays for High Fidelity and Grosse Pointe Blank and written by the guy who wrote Yes Man. I mean it has John Cusack and Clark Duke in it, which is good, but it was written by the guy who wrote Yes Man. Not so good. It has Crispin Glover in it, but it also has Crispin Glover in it. So... I have no idea what to make of this movie. This teaser trailer doesn't help in my decision either. (Warning! Foul language!)

Well, at least it has an awesome title. Hot Tub Time Machine.

As an added bonus here is the disturbing Crispin Glover music video "Clowny Clown Clown" from 1989. This was produced by the same guys who did "Fish Heads." This should be enough warning for you to not watch it. I don't want any complaints like "I can't sleep at nights anymore!" or "I showed Clowny Clown Clown to my dog and he died!" You were warned!

Genius is never understood in its time.

July 21, 2009

Weezer: The 8-bit Album

I haven't been around lately so I'm going to ease myself back into this blog. First thing up is this link of Weezer songs performed in video game-y 8-bit style. Nerdy? Yes. Trendy? Absolutely. Enjoyable? Without a doubt. Happiness comes in the strangest forms these days. These free songs are definitely a new happy thought for me. Hope you enjoy. If you don''re probably reading the wrong blog.

Here is a hilarious interview/trivia game appearance by indie rock sweetheart Neko Case,(NPR link!) for those of you that don't dig Weezer. And yes...that is also Paula Poundstone you are hearing. I'd throw my ironic t-shirt at Neko if you know what I mean(I want that printed on an ironic t-shirt).

June 8, 2009

Review of Rotten Tomatoes Reviews of The Hangover

I like to read reviews after I see a movie. I do it for a couple of reasons One: I don't want to learn too much about a film and build up any expectations. Two: I don't want someone's opinion rattling around in my head while I'm watching the film. But I do like to read what other people thought about the movie, good or bad. So after I saw The Hangover I decided to see what the guys who get paid to critique movies thought. I went to Rotten Tomatoes and took a look around. I'll just say here that I liked the Hangover. It's a fun, dirty ride and has consistent laughs throughout. But this isn't my review of the movie, no, this is my review of the reviews.

Lesser know critics say...

Creative Loafing
"This represents the worst sort of pandering slop, the type that appeases impressionable audiences who don't even realize they're being insulted."

Matt thinks he is smarter than the general audience. He uses phrases like "pandering slop" so he just might be. He's also obnoxious because he uses phrases like "pandering slop." The whole review was written in this I'm-too-cool-for-film-school manner. Who wants to read that? Not me. I give the review a C-

Tricia Olszewski
Washington City Paper
"Unless you find the man-infant Galifianakis appealing, you%u2019ll [sic] surely spend The Hangover wistfully remembering the days when Will Ferrell made good movies and Luke Wilson was still relevant."

Tricia obviously doesn't know who Zach Galifinakis is. Know who does? The New York Times. Congratulations Tricia I give you a D for not doing your research.

Brian Tallerico
Movie Retriever
"When the years have passed and the buzz has worn off, I honestly feel that people will look back at The Hangover and wonder what they laughed at in 2009. It's the Zima of movie comedies."

Brian fancies himself a fortune teller of sorts, the film critic gig is just until his future predictions get some recognition. My guess is that Brian misses Zima. My grade for this review: C

Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
"If there's a problem with 'The Hangover' (and other films of its ilk), it's the at best ambivalent, at worst hostile relationship to women..."

John is looking for a girlfriend. He's tried being both the sensitive film critic and then the art house asshole to no avail. So it seems that he's now going for the Women Studies graduates. His chances of scoring? D-

"The juxtaposition of the characters is ingenious. This is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time."

I think me and Dianna can hang. She gets an A- The minus is because I don't agree with her on the character "juxtaposition." It's not ingenious, it's nonexistant. Hey Diana want to discuss it over a few drinks?

...Ok here are a few of the big boys. What did they say?

Top Critic Icon Top Critic
"This is a bromance so primitive it's practically Bro-Magnon. "

Top Critic Icon Top Critic
"Memento meets Old School? It's party time. "

Top Critic Icon Top Critic
"What hangover? This movie is safe as milk. "

WTF? What are these guys talking about? "Bro-Magnon?" "Memento?" "Safe as milk?" Are they just writing nonsense to see if anybody out there is still reading their reviews?

There's a reason people don't like us critics. I'm just helping to point out what, specifically, that is.

June 7, 2009

Moral Of The Story

Moral of the story: Don't Adopt.

The Hangover
Moral of the story: Your friends are dicks.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Moral of the story: Robots have no respect for ancient historical sites.

Imagine That

Moral of the story: Eddie Murphy is the shell of the man he used to be.

Moral of the story: Guinea pigs have access to automatic weapons.

Garfield: He's Funny Now

When I was a kid I loved the Sunday comics. My dad used to read them to me using different funny voices for each of the characters with his breath smelling of coffee. One of my favorite comics was Garfield. Little did I know in my childhood innocence how unfunny or nonsensical the Garfield strip really is. Well, other "fans" of the strip, with more time on their hands than I have, are out there making Garfield actually funny.

The best of these asks the question: What happens when you erase Garfield entirely out of the comic? The answer is a lot a jokes at the expense of a schizophrenic loner named Jon. Garfield Minus Garfield.

I'm going to follow this up with an oldie but a goodie, Lasagna cat.

I bet you were just waiting for that mash-up. You can see more here. I recommend you do.

May 21, 2009

Trailer Review: Sherlock Holmes

"This Is Not A Pipe"

I'm down with Sherlock. I used to watch "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" on PBS. I've read the stories. I enjoy the guy. I mean how can you not like Sherlock Holmes? He's a genius with morals, he likes a good mystery, he's plays the violin, he's a brawler and part time drug addict. So when I heard that Guy Ritchie was making a Sherlock Holmes movie starting Robert Downey Jr. my first thought was "That's interesting." But not in a good way.

Well a trailer for the new Sherlock Holmes movie came out. Take a look:

What do you think? Here's what I think: Pretty disappointing. It's only a trailer so I don't want to critique the whole movie just based on these couple of minutes of footage. Even though I routinely critique a whole movie based on it's poster (By the way the poster looks straight-to-DVD good) . But as far as this trailer goes, it's pretty disappointing.

I'm not playing a whiny Trekkie here, complaining that it's not true to the original. I liked the idea of Sherlock getting a edgy, stylized makeover. I felt it would actually showcase a side of Holmes that was always there under the surface. Give it an Allan Moore vibe maybe, steam punk it up a bit with a Guy Ritchie swagger. But from what this trailer shows that's not what this movie does.

The movie seems...what's the's on the tip of my tongue...cheesy, cliche, unoriginal, I could go on. Who cares if it's not the same-old-Sherlock-Holmes? I would rather watch "not the same old" than not much of anything at all. How do you set out trying to recreate one of the most recognizable characters in fiction and film and end up with a movie that seems pedestrian? And why is Jude Law Watson? What is with this casting? I really want to know. (I'm sounding like Seinfeld now).

Let's use our imagination for a second. Close your eyes. Let's say this movie didn't have Sherlock Holmes in it, it's Just Robert Downey playing a quirky detective. Ok what do you see? A really lame move? I see it too.