June 30, 2010

Movie Trailer: Paranormal Activity 2

The teaser trailer for Paranormal Activity 2 has landed and this sequel has 100% more babies! And 75% more cameras! I'm glad that the writer/director is listening to Randy's rules for sequels from Scream 2 and kicked it up a notch. 

I'm gonna take a second here to remind my fair readers that the original paranormal activity cost around $15,000 to make. Its worldwide box office gross was $193,298,009. This is a good example of when less is more. The filmmakers hopefully follow their own example. 

Take a look...

My gut is telling me that the dog is not going to survive this movie. Sorry.

June 23, 2010

My Favorite Monologues: Rocky's Speech to the Russians from Rocky IV

A good friend recommended Rocky's speech from the end of Rocky IV as a good monologue and I couldn't argue with him. Technically it's two monologues if you count the Russian translation of it.

I mean, it's because of this speech that the Berlin wall came down and the Ruskies stopped being pinko commies, right? After the fight he just had with Ivan Draco, Rocky shouldn't be able to stand or give a motivational speech a la Lou Gehrig. Buy hey I shouldn't nitpick, it's Sylvester Stallone, I should be glad he didn't shoot Draco with a grenade tipped arrow.

Man, I love it when the faux Gorbachev stands up and slowly claps.

I was a big Rocky fan as a kid but I was a bigger Mr.T fan. Actually I was more than a fan, Mr.T was a hero of mine and I saw Rocky III in the theater with my older brother. So when Rocky beats Mr. T at the end (oh, um, Spoiler Alert) I totally cried my eyes out in the theater in front of everybody. I was rooting for the bad guy... but it was Mr.T! To the little Anthropomorphic Critic Rocky III was a tragedy. Here's a clip  where Mr. T says "I pity the fool" non-facetiously.

June 22, 2010

Trailers: The Green Hornet & Somewhere: or Michel Gondry Directed This? & Thank God Sofia Coppola's Back

The Green Hornet trailer has landed and it looks a little, how do you say, oh yes, cliche.  The film is directed by Michel Gondry but you wouldn't know it by watching it.  Would you conclude from this action/comedy trailer that it was directed by the same guy who did Eternal Sunshine or the Science of Sleep? I wouldn't but IMDB tells me otherwise.

And all the talk is about how the Fanboys are complaining about the casting of  Seth Rogen as the playboy/vigilante The Green Hornet. What Fanboys? Aren't the Green Hornet Fanboys just people who used to listen to it on the radio? They should be like 80 years old by now. What Octogenarian is on the Internet complaining about how Seth Rogen can't pull this off? Cameron Diaz is more of a deterrent to seeing this movie than Seth Rogen is. And here's a buried headline for you: Edward Furlong is in it. Edward Furlong! How bizarre is that? It brings a new meaning to "Team Edward."

The car is cool, how can you not like the car?....but the new Kato is no Bruce Lee. And why do all the other blogs and news services call Kato his manservant? I feel really sketchy using that word...manservant.

Another trailer was recently released and this one seems to have a little more potential, you know, in substance. 

Sofia Coppola's new movie, Somewhere, that's the title... Somewhere, looks like she is back in fighting form. In another case of interesting casting choices the main character is played by Stephen Dorff AKA the bad guy from Blade (A real vampire movie, not like all these Twilights and such). Somewhere follows the relationship of a Hollywood actor and his 11 year-old daughter. Sofia might know a little something about that, ya think? 

And, yes, the daughter is another Fanning.......

Awwwww! Hollywood Family Values...

June 15, 2010

Breaking Bad...if it was a sitcom on ABC

I kinda spoiled it with the title of the post but here's a video from FoD that teaches us that adding a laugh track can totally change the tone of a TV show. It's interesting how if you put a laugh track in Braking Bad it becomes funny, but if you take the laugh track out of Two And A Half Men it doesn't become dramatic...it's just as lame as it ever was.

June 10, 2010

Alfred Hitchock Makes a "That's What She Said" Joke

I am not surprised that Alfred Hitchcock tells dirty jokes but I am shocked how old "that's what she said" jokes really are. During a sound test for the movie Blackmail (1929, England's first "Talkie") Hitchcock gets cheeky with actress Anny Ondra. Anny Ondra, besides being a cutie, was married to German Heavyweight boxing champion Max Schmeling. I would not have been ballsy or caddy enough to make a that's-what-she-said joke to Max Scheling's wife, unless I was Joe Louis (If I was Joe Louis I would say "That's what she said" to everybody. What are they going to do? I'm Joe Louis dammit).  But Hitchcock didn't care, even back in 1929 he knew he was Hitchcock.

"...as the girl said to the solider." That is comedic gold! I'm stealing that line. I also love how Hitchcock is talking like a kid being recorded for the first time. Ahhh the talkies, good times, good times.  

June 9, 2010

Trailer: Norwegian Ninja

While the fat, lazy Hollywood crap machine continues to give us brain-numbing movies like Marmaduke and Killers, Norway (the country) has found out how to make movies AWESOME! Leave it to Norway, the same country that gave us Nazi zombies in Dead Snow, to make the next bat-shit-crazy movie called Norwegian Ninja.  No one expects Norway. I don't remember the last time I even had a thought about Norway that wasn't related to the Winter Olympics. They are a pale, blond-locked, sleeping giant of cinematic insanity.

Oh, and Norwegian Ninja is based on a true story. Very loosely based, but still... effen Norwegians, man! I cannot wait to see this movie. I stole this synopsis from wiki-wiki-Wikipiedia:

Norwegian Ninja (Norwegian: Kommandør Treholt & ninjatroppen) is an upcoming 2010 Norwegian action comedy film, directed by Thomas Cappelen Malling. The film, based on a 2006 book, presents real-life espionage-convicted Arne Treholt as the leader of a ninja group saving Norway during the Cold War.

Producer Eric Vogel said ""Something like this has never been made in Norway before. Or in the world, as far as I know!" I have only seen the trailer but...I have to agree with him.

I have talked enough here's the trailer:

Most bad-ass class photo ever

June 2, 2010

My Favorite Monologues: Kill Bill vol. 2, Bill's Superman Speech

David Carradine gives one of my favorite speeches, in one of his greatest roles, as Bill in Kill Bill vol. 2. This comes at the end of the two part movie epic and it is a quintessential Tarantino rant a la "Like a Virgin". If you haven't seen Kill Bill vol. 1 or 2 don't worry, this won't spoil the movie for you. Please enjoy.