The Lost Finale Reviewed by a Guy Who Only Watched The First Season

I watched the Lost finale last night. It was the first time I had seen an episode of Lost since the end of season one. I know, I know, it's like I planned it, right? Anyway here's my review: I don't get it.

Just Kidding. I got it. Apparently I understood the finale of Lost better than most "Losties" or "Lost Folk" according to their comments and tweets. Some didn't understand the church or the ending at all. This might be because I'm coming into it with a blank slate. That, and I don't have any sort of theories that I have been obsessing over for six years that turned out to be totally wrong.

Honestly though, I wish one of the mysteries of Lost was what my fiancee has always said was on the island (and I secretly hoped was true): Mechanical dinosaurs. How much cooler is a mechanical dinosaur than a smoke monster? Way cooler.

I will tell you here I like the show (remember I've only seen the first season and the finale). I like it mainly because it was different, defyingly so. And I respect that more than any answered questions or loose ends.

Here's some highlights:

The "Final Transmissions" that played during the finale of people saying goodbye to the show really depressed me. Especially the one about the couple who picked their wedding date based on the sum of the numeric code. I really could have done without this information or any of these people's goodbyes. Keep it to yourself, nerds.

I just found out who Jacob is. I instantly don't like him, he's kinda a douche.

Locke's been an evil smoke monster for two seasons? Now I'm glad I didn't watch season five.

It's 9:20 pm and I have no idea what's going on.

I hate vague dialog. Whenever a character had an "awakening" they start talking like a Scientologists. It's really annoying.

Around 10:00 pm I start to wonder if the finale is answering all the questions Lost fans have. I also need another beer.

How did Ben get out from under the fallen tree? He seems ok too. Wouldn't he be kinda hurt, like spinally?

The "Hell Cork" is pretty lame. I would like to hear a good argument in support of the Hell Cork because I can't imagine anybody liking that thing. Might as well of been one of those bathtub stoppers or a bottle cap.

I liked the resolution of the "flash-sideways." It seems to be a good and encompassing explanation to what was going on with this alternate reality. An eternal meeting place is a nice idea and it's made even better by not being on the island. It's not purgatory and that makes me happy.

How come I had to watch Jimmy Kimmel Live to find out where the hell Michael was? The only funny "alternate ending" was the Bob Newhart one. Mainly because I like Bob Newhart.

Overall I thought thought is was a solid finale that left you with a feeling of closure for the show even though it didn't answer every question or tie up all the loose ends. I'm just assuming though, I only watched the first season. I'm now off to read some Lost slash/fan fiction where Locke and Ben end up together and open a resort on the island. With mechanical dinosaurs.

C'mon! You know this would have been awesome. Rrrrrawwwwwor!